‘Tis the season – well, okay, no, it isn’t. Half-past October is the time for Halloween treats; tiny chocolate bars and bags of chips that steal far too much valuable real estate in the trick or treat sacks.
Even so, the other day our family was in the mood for a traditional Christmas treat and purchased a tin of Quality Street candies. Make no mistake, this is serious business. The price of a 725g tin hovers somewhere in the 20 dollar region. These are delicacies to be enjoyed at a thoughtful, leisurely pace.
Unless you have a large family, in which case you need to elbow your elders aside and get the good ones before they’re all gone.
With the help of my dedicated consultants (aged 7 and 4), I offer this handy guide to which of the 12 Quality Street varieties are worthy of deceit, thrown elbows, and confrontations that may lead to years of bitterness. You’re welcome!
Quality Street: The Rankings!
#1. Orange Crème
—The cream of the crop, the top of the pops, the toast of the town. Yes, okay, it’s sweet. It’s very, very sweet. But it’s also delicious and if you like orange flavoured chocolate (and hint: most people do, that’s why there are two orange flavoured varieties in this tin!) you will love it.
Consultant, age 7: “The cream in this tastes so ORANGEY. It is my favourite of all of the Quality Streets!”
Consultant, age 4: “MMM-MMM-MMM. So so so so good. The cream in this tastes GOOD. This is one that I like BEST.”
#2. Chocolate Strawberry
—Also very sweet. Insanely sweet. Doesn’t actually taste much like strawberry, but one of the nicest fake strawberries out there.
Consultant, age 7: “MMMMMM AMAZING. DELICIOUS!”
Consultant, age 4: “Yum! So good!”
#3. Orange Crunch
—Delicious orange flavour, slightly less sweet than other orange choice. Odd crunchy specks throughout make the texture a little strange and breakfast cereal-y.
Consultant, age 7: “Gritty, but good tasting grit!”
Consultant, age 4: “I like it.”
#4. Chocolate Fudge
— Very light, the least overpowering treat in the tin. But pleasant.
Consultant, age 7: “Very good. I agree with 4.”
Consultant, age 4: <arms flapping> “Oh, so good. So so so so good.”
#5. Milk Chocolate Block
— It’s chocolate. Simple, delicious chocolate. There is nothing to dislike here.
Consultant, age 7: “Hard to eat with a loose tooth. But it tastes good.”
Consultant, age 4: “Yummy! Thank you for that chocolate!”
#6. Toffee Deluxe
— Not the best of the dozen, but definitely one of the chewiest. Hey, it’s fairly delicious and if you want a chocolate that takes half an hour to eat, this is your pick.
Consultant, age 7: “Yummy! A very good kind of Quality Street. But not the best of them all.”
Consultant, age 4: “Bleah, I don’t like it. Because of the taste. Tastes like peanuts and I think it got stuck somewhere.”
#7. Toffee Finger
— Simple toffee covered in chocolate. Doubles as a very short pointer.
Consultant, age 7: “This is very very good. Everyone should taste it.”
Consultant, age 4: “Kind of too hard. Too hard to chew.”
#8. The Purple One (aka Hazelnut in Caramel)
— Um, okay. It’s not actually purple, guys. That’s just the wrapper. The consumable itself is, you know, chocolate coloured. Least informative candy name ever! Makes me think of Prince. HOWEVER, that aside…
Consultant, age 7: “It tastes good except for the nutty part.”
Consultant, age 4: “Messy. I like the nut part and the chocolate part. But not the sticky part.”
#9. Green Triangle (aka Hazelnut Triangle)
— Also chocolate coloured! However, it is a triangle, I’ll grant them that. Sidebar: why do all of the chocolates that incorporate hazelnut require an alias?
Consultant, age 7: “Tastes like normal chocolate, I guess. It has no exciting taste. Boring.”
Consultant, age 4: “I think it tastes creamy. I like it SO MUCH.”
#10. Toffee Penny
— Okay, I’ll admit: this does taste good. But there is no chocolate here. That’s hard to overcome. NO CHOCOLATE makes people SAD.
Consultant, age 7: “This is chewy and juicy and amazingly good. Except to my sister.”
Consultant, age 4: “I’m not eating that.”
#11. Caramel Cup
— …but not as sad as low budget caramel makes them.
Consultant, age 7: “You’re all wrong, this is delicious!”
Consultant, age 4: “Noooo. I don’t like this.”
#12. Coconut Éclair
— There are two types of people in this world; those who love coconut and those who loathe it. Neither of them like this dry and tasteless “treat”. In our household, these are typically given or more usually thrown away.
Consultant, age 7: “Maybe kind of tastier than I thought?”
Consultant, age 4: “I don’t know. This tastes…white.”